Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Beautiful Life

The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes. If you foolishly ignore beauty, you will soon find yourself without it. Your life will be impoverished. But if you invest in beauty, it will remain with you all the days of your life. ~Frank Lloyd Wright

These past few years have been very difficult in so many ways for our family - we seem to have had more than the normal share of tragedies hit us, one after the other. I think moving to Beaufort (away from support systems and friends who had been with us at so many duty stations I considered them family) seemed to both concentrate and exacerbate my frustration with it all. At a time when I eagerly looked forward to my husband being home on a regular basis for the first time in 2 years, he was snatched up as an IA and deployed for 17 months. I am now counting his workup of 4.5 months as part of that deployment!

I was wondering why I couldn't seem to pull it together now, when things have settled down and I can set up our routines again... wondering why I can't focus, can't be as productive as I used to be, etc.

Bit by bit, as tragic events have piled on, you go through the day and continue to endure. One more thing falls by the wayside and it's barely noticeable until one day you look around and realize you've let a lot of beauty leave your life in the struggle to get through each day. And worse, it's visibly manifested in the piles of paper and toys hanging out everywhere!!

I've been determined for some time to get on the organizing warpath. I was temporarily sidetracked by the emergency surgery/miscarriage and it's been a struggle to move forward since then. I've gone again to the doctor for blood tests - hair is falling out in clumps and my attention span is reminiscent of a butterfly, with an absolute lack of focus. I originally had this intense desire to cut our possessions by a third, and to create a beautiful sanctuary for my husband.

I do believe that our home needs to be a sanctuary. But within the past week, I've had the revelation that it needs to be that way for not only my husband, but also myself. I've let beauty leave my life in tiny little puffs of air, and with it, a lot of my contentment and peace. What happened to the music, art, flowers that used to reside in this home? What happened to the joy and serenity? What happened to lazy days exploring the country?

I absolutely believe that organization is key to all that. And I'm ready to invest in the beauty of it. :)

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