Heartbreaking

Amelia is getting so excited, yet that very excitement is tearing at my heart. I've never seen her like this before; and she talks about him constantly. When Rafe calls and tells her he is coming home soon, I hasten to add, "for a visit".

So now she walks around talking about her daddy from Iraq coming to visit, and then going back to Iraq. She is processing things this week by playing with her dolls. She points to herself and says "baby" and wants to be rocked like a baby. Then she'll jump out of my arms, run off and change her doll's diaper, all the while telling them about daddy and his things around the house - she went to the quilt hanging on the wall and said "Daddy No Touch" (daddy's quilt, don't touch).

Oddly enough, the one day she didn't do that too much was when we went to the doctor's office. She woke up that morning a bundle of energy and told me all day long she wanted a baby brother. I tried not to read too much into that, but it was hard not to. I have not ever told her why I am going to the doctor or even that we are trying to have another child. The only time we talked about it was when I showed her pictures of Elliot and told her Noah has a baby brother now, and those two incident were days apart.

The most heartbreaking of all is when she says, slowly, "Daddy... home.... soon?", like every moment after that depends on my affirmative answer.